How to Navigate 6 Awkward Sex Moments
Most of us know first-hand that sex isn't always sexy — it can be downright laughable, uncomfortable, awkward or even painful sometimes. That's why we like this frank advice about what can take you out of the moment, and how you can get right back into being intimate with ease. —Glo
By Woman's Day
Awkward Moment #1: Poor Timing
Chances are, no matter how good your husband is in bed, there has been a time when you wished he could have lasted a little longer. "Trust me," says Gilda Carle, Ph.D., a sex and relationship expert and the author of How to Win When Your Mate Cheats, "when this happens, he's more embarrassed than you are." Instead of berating him or acting hurt, Dr. Carle says to ask for a rain check. "You may also remind him of how women sometimes don't climax, despite the heat of the moment," she says. Bottom line: Acknowledge the awkward moment, and move on. This is no time for shame or blame.
Awkward Moment #2: His Request Makes You Uncomfortable
Just because you love each other doesn't mean you'll always have the same ideas about what you want in bed. And when he suggests something that you're uncomfortable with, it can be a real buzz kill. Instead of shutting him down, try for common ground, says Stephanie Buehler, Psy.D., a California-based psychologist and sex therapist. "If possible, see if you can 'negotiate' the fantasy so that it includes elements that turn you on, too," she suggests. But, Dr. Buehler adds, if his fantasy is going into areas that make you uncomfortable, "you may need to nibble his ear and say, 'You know, hon, you have a great imagination. Could we use it to find something that turns me on, too?' That way, you're praising him as well as encouraging him, instead of shutting him down."
Awkward Moment #3: Accidental Injury
Ouch! Sex doesn't have to be classified as rough to lead to injury. Just think: accidental biting, scratching, a jagged toenail that cuts the skin, a pulled muscle, leg cramps, etc. First rule of accidental injury in bed: Get up and deal with it (whether that means taking an aspirin or getting a bandage). Second rule: Laugh it off. According to Dr. Carle, interrupted sex can tell you a lot about your man. "You'll see how he deals with interrupted pleasure and not getting his way," she says.
Awkward Moment #4: One of You Isn't in the Mood
Someone wants sex; the other doesn't. It can often be a recipe for hurt feelings in the bedroom, and plenty of uncomfortable silence. But it's important to learn that "no" doesn't mean "I don't love you," says Dr. Buehler. "I think it's best that the couple has an understanding that it's always okay to say no to sex, no matter what," she says, adding that the bedroom should be a no-guilt zone. "On the other hand, a woman can check in with herself and ask if she's totally out of commission or could rally if needed. If she's out of commission, she should give her partner a 'soft no' — that is, saying no but suggesting that they have sex in a day or two, or on the weekend when she thinks she'll be well or more rested."
Awkward Moment #5: Someone Utters … the Wrong Name
You've been married forever, so why did you just call your husband the name of your high school crush? It doesn't mean your love for him has been compromised, says Dr. Carle. "The brain is an amazing organ," she says, "especially during sex, when you're less apt to think before speaking." If it happens to you, his (or your) feelings are bound to be hurt, but remind him of how much you love him and chalk up the flub to a rogue fantasy.
Awkward Moment #6: Your Kids Walk In
It's the moment every parent dreads: You thought your five-year-old was sound asleep, but then she comes in asking for a drink of water and catches you in the act. "Sometimes children find sex confusing and think that couples are fighting or hurting each other," says Dr. Buehler. If you find yourself in this precarious situation, it's best to address your child's concerns immediately. "You can say that Mommy and Daddy are sometimes very affectionate with each other, and that what she saw is normal for married people to do," she adds. And invest in a lock for your bedroom door — pronto.
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