When a Relationship with a Friend Ends
Caroline Manzo puts the real in The Real Housewives of New Jersey, and her fans relate to the reality star's no-nonsense attitude, focus on family and, above all, abundant common sense. Check back at Glo every Monday as Caroline helps solve your most pressing dilemmas.
The Dilemma: A close friend of mine has completely shut me out after meeting a man, moving in with him, and getting engaged—all in the span of nine months. When we first met, she and I hit it off immediately, both single ladies, both single moms, etc. That was almost four years ago. In that time, I have been there to listen to her problems, be her wingman at the bars on weekends or Wednesday evening when my kids were not home (despite the fact that I had an hour commute to get to her)... you name it. She is now, all of a sudden, not calling, won't go to lunch and won't return my calls or text messages asking if all is OK. That is, until today, when she told that I am now below her station and status, and do not fit into her new life. Funny thing is, this has happened to me before. I am 50, and I still cannot figure it out, other than it obviously has to be me. What do you think? —Susan
Caroline's Ruling: When people are down and out, they generally look to be around individuals who share the same issues that they do. It's like a security blanket, a sense of comfort knowing that there are others out there who understand you and sympathize with your situation.
It seems that your friend forgot where she came from. You can argue that she doesn't want to maintain the friendship because you remind of an unhappy time in her life. I can understand that to a degree; however, to tell someone that they are "below their station and status" is rude and insensitive.
True friendship endures all the twists and turns and ups and downs of life. You may not see one another or speak as often, but the friendship adjusts and remains intact.
I don't believe the relationship you had with this person was a true and real friendship. It sounds more like an acquaintance to me. I suggest you move on and take it as a lesson learned.
You mentioned that this has happened to you before. I'm reading between the lines a bit here (driving an hour to visit, multiple calls and texts), but maybe you're too accessible to people, something that can be perceived as coming on too strong, or even needy. In the future, you may want to take a step back and let things flow and progress naturally when meeting new people.
People come in and out of our lives constantly. It can be for a day, a week, a month or a year—who knows? True friendship lasts a lifetime. Treasure the true friends and enjoy all the others for what they are: people passing through for a bit, adding another page to the diary of your life.
Do you have a question for Caroline? Send it to CarolineRulesOnGlo@gmail.com and it may be selected for an upcoming column!
From marriage dilemmas to family issues, Caroline's got the answers!Photo by Michael T. Greco