How To Curb Your Feelings If You're Smitten With Someone Who's Not Your Spouse
- Andrea Syrtash: Photo by Jacqueline Dormer
By Andrea Syrtash, author of Cheat on Your Husband (With Your Husband!)
I've developed crushes on everyone from the cute guy who checks me out (literally) at the grocery store to old friends I've reconnected with on Facebook. These crushes are fleeting and fun, and I've learned they're not a cue that my marriage is in trouble. It's human nature to crave excitement, to be curious about others and to want to know I still got it. Put simply, it's unrealistic to believe that any of us will only have eyes for our spouses throughout time. Therefore the question is not “How will I avoid being tempted by other men while I'm married?” but rather “What will I do when I have a crush on someone other than my partner? Here are five strategies to try:
Strategy 1: Stop Suppressing
The reality is that most of us will develop attraction, curiosity and excitement about other people over the course of our marriages. And, if we suppress those feelings, then we could make things worse. Unlike keeping your cool when a coworker irritates you during a meeting, tamping down feelings related to your relationship over a sustained period can have a physiological cost, says clinical psychologist Dr. Doug Mennin. "It takes consistent effort to suppress our expressions or our emotional experience," he says. In other words, your brain works harder to fight feelings than it does to accept them.