I Do, Finally
A Soon-to-Be-Bride Shares Her Unexpected Path to Marriage
Of course, I would love to have met Mark 20 years ago so we could have planned a remote island honeymoon, instead of putting money in education funds today. Naturally, wedding planning takes on a whole different meaning when parenthood precedes the proposal. On a given night, I am more likely to be wiping pureed vegetables off my zippered hoodie with one hand while tearing a very ripe diaper off a screaming infant with the other than I am to be garnishing homemade wedding invitations with seashells and calligraphy (hence why we used Paperless Post).
While Mark and I don't need to marry to love each other, have sex, live together, be parents or share a lifetime of fidelity and partnership, he is my best friend, and I look forward to saying that out loud at our ceremony.
So why now? Why get married and have a wedding when we have most of the trappings of a lifelong commitment and already refer to each other as "husband" and "wife"? When we don't have enough hours in the day to get the most basic things done, much less plan a wedding?
As it turns out, even though I'm both a child of divorce and a feminist—and no matter how progressive I consider myself to be—I have been deeply moved by my friends' weddings and civil unions. I admired how they stood before their communities and asked their friends and families to witness their vows. Mark and I believe in the importance of having a community to support our relationship and keep us in their lives, in sickness and health. We want to commit to each other in the presence of loved ones who celebrate our long (and sometimes tumultuous) journey together as much as we do.
While we could have gone to city hall, as Mark did for his first marriage, I couldn't shake this feeling of deserving for an actual ceremony. We waited a long time for this. Heck, I waited a long time for this. I'm enough of an adult now to truly appreciate this longed-for love and romantic enough to indulge in the frivolity of a wedding.