Mother Vs. Daughter
Fights You Still Have With Your Mom—And How to Finally Resolve Them
- Moonstruck: MGM/Photofest
Wouldn't it be nice to have the picture-perfect relationship with your mother, one that is all giggles, hugs and pedicures a deux? But as just about every adult daughter knows, a grown-up relationship with Mom can be fraught with decades of resentment and annoyance, even competition. We talked to family experts about the biggest problems grown daughters have with their mothers and got their tips for resolving your issues once and for all.
The Fight: Your mom doesn't get the idea of boundaries. She expects you to spend every Saturday night with her, insists on having a key to your place, and frequently just shows up uninvited.
The Fix: Some mothers don't realize where their identity ends and where that of their daughter begins, says Linda Perlman Gordon, a psychotherapist and co-author of Too Close for Comfort: Questioning the New Intimacy of Today's New Mother-Daughter Relationship. How to draw the line? "Choose a time when you are not overly frustrated to talk to your mom," she advises. "And use sentences that start with 'I,' to make your mother less defensive and more receptive." Try something like, "I feel uncomfortable when you read my email. I feel like I have no privacy, and because I love you, I want to tell you rather than to begin hiding things from you."