Never Say These Things About Your Ex
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Ex Etiquette1 of 10
By Natasha Burton for Cosmopolitan
Obviously, when you end things with your jerky ignoramus of an ex, all you wanna do is talk about what a jerky ignoramus he is. But before you launch into a tirade about his emotional unavailability, questionable personal hygiene and total lack of ambition, check out these expert tips on the etiquette of what not to say post breakup—at least for your own sake.
What a Jerk2 of 10
Saying this just makes you bitter. Sure, it's always important to look back and see if there were any red flags you missed—so you can be well aware of what to look for next time—but you don't need to broadcast all the warning signs to everyone you know.
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Poor Thing3 of 10
Everyone has a different lifestyle and just because he couldn't match yours, that doesn't mean he's a bad guy—or even cheap. Don't sound high maintenance by complaining about his lack of funds.
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In the Bedroom4 of 10
Even if his performance was abysmally brief and his idea of foreplay began and ended with him taking off your clothes, just keep your observations to yourself. Speaking ill of your ex ultimately reflects on you, making others wonder why you on earth you stayed with him.
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Keeping Secrets5 of 10
In that same vein, don't show you're untrustworthy by spilling major secrets about your ex's family, childhood, what have you. However bitterly things ended, the fact is that you were in an intimate relationship with this person. Often, because he's an ex you may rationalize that any oaths made are off the table but keeping promises and living with integrity is just a good way to lead your life.
Total Annihilation6 of 10
Even though you broke up, you shouldn't systematically annihilate every good thing he did or every good time you had. If someone brings up a great memory of the two, take a deep breath and avoid the urge to say, "Yeah, but what about the time he did [insert something horrible here]." And definitely don't badmouth your ex to the max in front of your new man. If your current guy thinks you may still have strong—even strongly negative—feelings for your past guy, he may wonder if you've actually moved on.
Still Pining7 of 10
We all go through heartache and have experienced a breakup. Telling anyone that you still love him will only prolong the healing. Fake it till you make it. Reframe this to something like, "We had a good run, and I wish him the best." Even if you don't.
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Rose-Colored Glasses8 of 10
Some people have the opposite problem when it comes to exes and find themselves gushing about the awesome things he did, gifts he gave you, how he made you feel special, blah blah blah. For the sake of any new relationship you might be forming, and your own sanity, get your mind—and mouth—out of the past.
Folks Wisdom9 of 10
When you take a new guy to meet your folks, don't prime him by comparing how your exes fared with your family—especially if your mom and dad loved someone you previously dated. The guy is probably nervous enough trying to live up to your (and their) expectations—he doesn't need the ghost of your ex-bf taunting him, too.
Compare & Contrast10 of 10
If you really want to piss your current boyfriend off, mention that something he does that you totally hate reminds you of your ex. This kind of comment never leads to anything positive, trust us.