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Singular Sensation

Why Married Women Envy Unattached Women

No matter if you're single or attached, there are grass-is-always-greener aspects to both choices. We liked how this piece made a convincing case for flying solo — and think its message is applicable even if you're already happily married. —Glo

By Thalia Aurinko-Mostow for YourTango

Sandra met Holden — an investment banker with good family values and a full head of hair — in a Starbucks on a beautiful June day. They were married exactly one year later in a ceremony complete with live doves and a six-tier cake. Suddenly, Sandra had everything she'd always wanted: Prince Charming and a beautiful wedding, complete with harp and sushi bar.

The first couple of months were all sex and laughter and redecorating. Then, Sandra started to get restless. She suddenly realized that she hadn't been alone in months. Since getting married, she had unconsciously stopped doing all of those things that women do when they're alone.

Before she was married, Sandra used to watch Grey's Anatomy with a full spread of Chinese takeout. She danced to Abba in her high heels and Spanx before going out, and sang old Spice Girls tunes in the shower. She had her GBF (gay best friend) over for pink Champagne on Wednesday afternoons, and wore her pajamas to the movies. Where had it all gone?

I too once had, as Carrie Bradshaw called them, "secret single behaviors." For me, it was Twizzlers for breakfast when running late, or trips alone to art museums. But my partner stopped my high-sugar meals quickly, stating, "I love you and want you to take care of your body." And sure, that was great at first, but sometimes I just wanted a Twizzler!

Sandra had never been thrilled by her Asian cuisine obsession (she swore two inches of her thighs were from pork sticky buns alone), nor had she been proud that Grey's Anatomy made her cry every week, in a way that was somehow cathartic. But it was hers. Now, there was another voice in her house, one that preferred Sports Center and delivery pizza. Holden didn't like delivery Chinese; he thought it was "too greasy." Of course it was, but that was part of why Sandra loved it! "I can't believe you watch this crap," he'd say of her beloved Grey's Anatomy, "That would never happen in real life!" And of course she knew this, but the mother-daughter brain transplant captivated her nonetheless.

When you're coupled up, you spend less time alone and more time with your partner. Which is nice, but you inevitably come to miss the mud masks and home mani-pedis ... the pajama-clad outings and the indulgent nights in. More than that, however, you miss the simple act of being alone. Oh, how I miss being alone!

So all of you single ladies, don't be in such a rush to "put a ring on it." Enjoy this time while you have it. Don't spend so much time and energy looking for a mate because, once you have one, you're stuck with him for life. Take this time to learn to enjoy yourself, so that you're fully equipped to continue doing it when you're married. Revel in your loneliness, make margaritas in your sweatpants, experiment with nude yoga in your living room, put clothes on your dog and go to the gym without worrying about what time you have to be home to make dinner.

And a note to my fellow coupled-ups, as well. Take time for yourself. Go out for dumplings and egg rolls alone while he's watching Monday night football, and then take yourself to a movie. Tell him that you know it's stupid, but you simply can't miss the episode where the doctor's ghost comes back to perform open-heart surgery. And wear your mud mask with pride.


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  • Bridget Jones showed us that being single didn't have to be lonely — especially when she took advantage of her solo status to hang with friends and take care of herself.

    Miramax/Working Title Films/Photofest
Singular Sensation
Why Married Women Envy Unattached Women
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