Surprising Ways to Spice Up Your Marriage
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Frisky Business1 of 10
By Natasha Burton
Reboot your love life and get an adult-level crash course in romance with Dr. Harry Fisch's forthcoming book The New Naked: The Ultimate Sex Education for Grownups, which covers everything from how diet and weight affect desire to how to communicate your needs (sexual and otherwise) more effectively. Here's a sneak peek at the must-read guide, along with Dr. Fisch's top tips for finding that loving feeling again.
Honestly Evaluate2 of 10
Fisch maintains that if you and your partner aren't having sex regularly, then the sex you've been having likely isn't very good. So, rather than "practicing badly," as Dr. Fisch puts it, practice effectively by creating a sexual checklist with your partner detailing what gets you in the mood (a dim room, for example) and the positions that make sex feel best for you. Then work together to tackle your lists.
Up Your Foreplay3 of 10
Foreplay starts "the minute you wake up the morning," says Dr. Fisch. Yes, this might seem like a tall order—and potentially exhausting—but showing you care about your partner by helping with household tasks or listening when he or she needs to vent about work issues, automatically sets the stage for intimacy that night.
Do Some LSD4 of 10
No, no not that kind of LSD. Dr. Fisch outlines three essential components that lay the groundwork for a lasting intimate relationship: listening, security, and desirability. "When your partner truly listens, you feel validated; security makes you feel safe now, and for your future together; and his acknowledgment of your desirability will make you happy," he says.
Pay Attention5 of 10
To be a better listener, Dr. Fisch says that during a serious conversation, men need to stop interrupting, put down their electronic devices, make eye contact and avoid blowing up, while women should keep it short, stop dredging up the past, and avoid accusatory "you" statements.
Leave It at the Door6 of 10
Your bedroom should be a negativity-free zone, Dr. Fisch says. "Anger and frustration are the antithesis of good communication and loving encounters," he explains. "If you've had a terrible day and can't shake the mood, have a long shower, watch some silly TV show, write a ranting email to yourself and delete it, or do something physical with a purpose—like cleaning out the pantry—before you get into bed and take it out on the warm body next to you."
Make a Desire List7 of 10
In addition to your sexual checklist, you should each create a bucket list for your sex life, while also validating your feelings for each other. "Draw a line down the middle," Dr. Fisch says. "On the left-hand column, write '5 Things I Love About You,' on the right, put '5 Things I'd Like You to Do to Me in Bed.' It's hard for anyone to have a thriving sexual life if you can’t speak up about what you really want—sticking to the tried-and-true routine might be comforting, but it can soon get boring and predictable."
Feel the Love8 of 10
When it comes to fostering desire in your relationship, Dr. Fisch says, "You’ve got to show it to know it." Whether you leave a sweet note in his pants pocket or send him a steamy mid-day sext, "saying something loving makes you feel loving," he explains. Make showing love to your partner part of your daily routine, yet be realistic: Don't send your partner a nice email for the sole purpose of expecting to get one from him in return and understand that constant texts during a stressful work week can do more harm that good.
Whisper Your Wants9 of 10
While stating what you want in the moment shouldn't be awkward in theory, if you're out of practice it can be daunting to utter the words. "An easy way to avoid feeling awkward is to whisper," says Dr. Fisch. "This will force your partner to get kissably close and you can start nuzzling while you're talking."
RELATED: Bedroom Tips For Every Sign
Mimic Hitchcock10 of 10
An ideal way to find your inner sexpot is to channel the energy from a sexy movie scene. Dr. Fisch suggests nuzzling close to each other à la Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman in Notorious. "The whole movie is amazing, but there is no better scene than the two stars going at it near the end," he says. "Production code at the time mandated that no on-screen kiss last longer than three seconds, so Hitchcock turned a three-second kiss into two and a half minutes of pure erotic tension. As you watch, try acting it out—there’s no better way to signal that you're in the mood."