Dating Myths Debunked
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After the Butterflies1 of 9
By Rebecca Lessem and Ethan Youngerman
The nervous excitement of early romance is great. But as your relationship grows, you may begin to experience something called comfort. Instead of being met with feelings of relief, this comfort is often mistaken for complacency, laziness and/or boredom, which may leave you feeling panicky. Relax. Comfort is none of those things—not necessarily. Read on to uncover the myths associated with being "too comfortable," and find out why getting there in a relationship is actually a good thing.
FACT2 of 9
TV is great. Even critics agree that we're living in a second golden age of television. A good show can make us laugh, it can teach us about the world, and it can remind us of what we're capable of if we could only get everyone in our high school chorus to care just a little bit more about the dance steps. Also, after a hard day at work, sometimes you just need to veg out. And it can actually be comforting to do that together.
*All "facts" are—technically—not really facts. They're more like "just our opinions."
FACT3 of 9
Lacy lingerie, garter belts, satin corsets—they may be sexy, but they're also annoying. There are plenty of ways to show that you're still making an effort without resorting to something so obvious as clothes. Besides, part of what makes PJs so comfy is how easy they are to take off...
FACT4 of 9
You find other people attractive. Seriously, that's a fact. And not just movie stars and baseball players and former presidents of the United States who grew up in Arkansas. Couples who can share that with each other can actually be more intimate, because they're being more honest. And unless you're admitting to finding your partner's parent attractive, this kind of honesty is never a sign of being too comfortable.
FACT5 of 9
If that genuinely kills it, then it wasn't magic. In general, you should try to smell good and be clean. But the key phrase there is "in general." There are moments when that's just not physically possible. During and just after a workout comes to mind. So does the month of July. Learning to accept each other for who you really are—sweat and all—is essential.
FACT6 of 9
A relationship can be in good shape and be, literally, unremarkable. That doesn't mean you've fallen into a rut. It could mean that your relationship is drama-free and that you have a good partner who doesn't need all your attention to be focused on them and the relationship. Plus, it frees up so much time to do other important things, like talking about other people's relationships.
FACT7 of 9
Yes, the world outside has restaurants and bars and movie theaters, but the world inside your apartment has plenty to offer too. Just because you aren't going out every night doesn't mean you aren't doing fun things—like, say, playing Jenga or making pizza (in your comfy pajamas, of course). And remember, a big part of why you went out when you were single is so that you could get non-single.
FACT8 of 9
It's OK to have your own space and not be in a permanent mind/body meld. Usually people talk about absence and growing fonder in terms of long distance. But the absence of going into another room for a while can be just as heartwarming, and a lot cheaper.
FACT9 of 9
No means no. Yes means yes. And "not tonight" means… not tonight. Turning down an offer of hooking up isn't a sign of being too comfortable in general; it's a sign of being not into it right now. Sure, there's an early, mating-like-bunnies phase of most relationships during which "not tonight" is unthinkable. But that phase has to end. If it didn't, then none of us could ever function. And the next phase—where you're still seriously hot for each other but maybe not every second of every day—can last till death do you part. As long as you don't get freaked out by any of these myths first.